How to Set Healthy Boundaries With Family During the Holidays

The holidays bring families together — and sometimes old tensions too. Setting boundaries helps you enjoy time with family without feeling drained.

Decide what you need first

• How long do you want to stay?
• Which topics are off-limits?
• How much money can you spend?
• Do you need time alone each day?

Communicate early and kindly

Share your plans before the visit. For example: "We'll come for lunch and head home by 6." Clear plans prevent surprises.

Phrases that help

• "I'd rather not talk about that today."
• "We've decided to keep gifts simple this year."
• "That doesn't work for us, but we'd love to see you on Sunday."
• "I'm going to take a quick walk."

Couples: be a team

Agree with your partner in advance on plans and boundaries, and support each other during visits.

Handling pushback

Some relatives may test boundaries. Stay calm, repeat your boundary simply, and avoid long explanations. You can be kind and firm at the same time.

Look after yourself

Rest, get outside and keep some of your own routines. If family situations are very difficult or painful, talking to a counsellor can help.