Solo Dates: How to Keep Your Own Identity in a Relationship

When you're in a relationship, it's easy to slowly drop your hobbies, friends and alone time. Over time you might feel like you've lost part of yourself.

A "solo date" is planned time alone doing something you enjoy. It's one of the simplest ways to stay connected to who you are.

Why solo time matters

• It keeps your own interests and friendships alive.
• It reduces pressure on one person to meet all your needs.
• You come back with new energy and things to share.

Solo date ideas

• Visit a museum or gallery
• Take a class: pottery, dance, cooking
• Go to the cinema alone
• Have breakfast at a cafe with a good book
• A long walk or hike
• Revisit an old hobby you stopped

How to start

1. Schedule it like any other plan — once a week or fortnight.
2. Tell your partner why: it's about you, not about them.
3. Keep your phone away as much as you can.
4. Reflect afterwards: what felt good? What do you want more of?

When independence feels hard

If spending time apart makes you very anxious, or you feel you can't do anything without your partner, it may help to talk to a counsellor. Building confidence in your own company is a skill that grows with practice.